Mothering Meltdowns

Last night I was reading Nancy Leigh Demoss’ Becoming God’s True Woman, and I noticed myself begin to tear up as I read the passage on Mothering Meltdowns. (I have had more than one of those in my career as a Domestic Engineer!) So many times I, like every other mom I know, come to a place where I question what good I am really doing. Is being a worn out, harried, stay at home, homeschooling mom really the best alternative, especially when I consider those all-too-often days that I have a hard time keeping my patience in check? I was touched by the understanding in this section as she wrote just what my weary spirit needed to hear, “In those moments, there really is no other source of refreshment than God…offer your weariness and discouragement to Jesus in prayer, trusting His intercession on your behalf…God wants to give you fresh strength and new joy for the task.”

As I consider my role, I think of the many other moms like me who feel like we are always getting it wrong, and wonder when we can look back at our day and feel successful. I must constantly remember that God is our source of strength. He has called us to this ministry of motherhood, and will give us everything we need to be successful in it. I woke up today revived, despite my lack of sleep. My husband and I played and danced with our children. We ate together and talked about God. Despite the fact that there are still dirty dishes in my sink, loads of laundry to fold, and the reality that I am still in my pajamas at 3:30 in the afternoon, the day has been successful. God’s spirit rejuvenated me, like only He can.

Thank you, God for refreshing my spirit today. Thank you for calling me into this ministry of motherhood, and for equipping me to handle it. Please help me to be successful as I nurture these precious lives you have entrusted to my care. Amen

Remembering Tea time at Christmas

I was at a friend's house last week for a Christmas party with some of my girlfriends. We were having a wonderful time munching on some veggies when I decide to venture around and explore this house I had never been to before. I noticed a beautiful china cabinet in the living room, and decided to take a look. As I approached the cabinet I realized it contained a tea cup collection. Appreciating such a collection, I looked closer and then I gasped! As I looked over the beautiful china I noticed several cups that were identical to those my mother-in-law owned. Memories began flooding my soul. And for those of you who know me, you can guess my immediate reaction. Insta-tears!

My friend Charlotte hugged me and asked me about this wonderful woman I was lucky enough to call Mom for a short period of time. You see, I really began to appreciate the art of tea when I met Matt's mother, Paula. Often she and I would sit and drink a cup of tea together as others ran around doing chores or errands. She would open up her china cabinet and tell me to pick out my favorite cup and then ask me to choose a tea. We always drank apricot tea. For years I thought it was her favorite tea, until I realized she had a different tea for each friend. She must have had dozens of "favorite" teas. She was that kind of a woman. She loved what you loved and made you feel special and welcomed by something as simple as a cup of tea.

Mom's breast cancer relapsed about a year after I met her. Her health was on a downward spiral from that point on, but her faith and our cups of tea together never faltered. Over our steaming cups of apricot wonderfulness, she would tell me stories of her childhood, of her father, mother and sister, of her marriage to the only man she ever loved, and her relationship with her Savior who she knew would heal her.

There are sad memories, too. Like massaging her arm to release the fluids when the pain from the lymphoma was so bad that she broke down and cried in front of me. And in the midst of all the dysfunction of cancer, I remember laughing with her when she somberly admitted that she had no hair. (Apparently the fact that she wore a wig or a turban 24-7 was not enough of of clue!)

God did heal Mom. During Matt and my baccalaureate service, we received a call that Mom went home to be with the Lord. Despite our loss, we found relief in knowing that she was no longer in pain, and that her Savior had healed her perfectly. She was not in attendance at our wedding nor did she have the opportunity to see any of her grandchildren, but her presence is always with us. And this Christmas, as I drink my cup of tea, I will honor her memory. I will remember Mom, and tell my children her story. I will think of how she is in heaven now probably making new friends, and sharing a new "favorite tea". And I will smile through my tears because I was blessed enough to have been graced with her love in my life.


Lord, This Christmas I thank you for the lives you have brought into my life. Thank you for the precious gift you gave me in Paula, and thank you for keeping her memory alive in me. Help us all to cherish the time we have with loved ones, and not take their love and life for granted. This Christmas we thank you for the gift of love that you gave to us in the baby Jesus, and that you demonstrate through the lives of those you have brought into our path. Amen

Ugly little bracelets

If you are a parent, you've no doubt received a homemade gift from your child. You know the kind I'm talking about-some type of craft project from school or church where you must wonder what the teacher was thinking? It often begins with a flimsy base of some sort, and includes brightly glittered accents with copious amounts of glue. Probably the tackiest thing you've ever seen, right?

Well, mine was made by my 4 year old daughter, Kyla. Recently, she brought home her first homemade bracelet for me from Sunday school. It consists of a white pipe cleaner with little plastic beads that she strung on it. She gave it to me and said, "Mommy, I made this for you because I love you." What do you think my reaction was? Did I throw it away or tell her I didn't want it because the neon plastic beading doesn't match my highly sophisticated wardrobe? NO! I wore it with pride, and to me that ugly little bracelet is as beautiful as a diamond tennis bracelet!

I ran across that bracelet today in my jewelry box when I was dusting, and I got to thinking...I wonder if that's how God sees us? Are we, in our ugliness of sin, a beautiful piece of jewelry to Him? I wonder if when we offer ourselves up to Him in love, he gladly takes our gift and instead of seeing an ugly bracelet, he sees the diamond tennis bracelet instead. You know what? I think he does. And I am every so grateful!

Lord, Thank you for taking this ugly little bracelet and making me beautiful in your sight! Please give me that kind of vision to see the world!

Matt's Going Away Party

Before Matt left for Officer Training Camp, I was able to successfully throw Matt a surprise going away party, where we were able to spend some time worshiping God through music and also were able to lay hands on and pray over Matt. In addition to our friends from church and work, Matt's family was even able to join us from NJ and Northern VA! It was great to see them and have Matt see a portion of the people who are supporting him this summer. During the party, I shared a few thoughts from my heart about Matt and why I asked everyone to join me in sending Matt across the "Blue Line". Some people have asked me for a copy of what I wrote, so I thought the best way would be to post it on here. I know it is a bit long for a blog, but I'm not exactly one who can keep it short-sorry!

Thank you to all of you who have been such a support to Matt, myself and our family! We are all having a great summer, and God is doing some amazing things in all our lives as He draws us closer to Himself. We leave Tuesday (6/24) to go visit Matt at Maxwell AFB in Montgomery, AL, for a week, and REALLY look forward to seeing him!!!!!! After that, he will be away for another 6 weeks for more training and an internship throughout the southeast, and we will continue our trek over the east coast visiting family and friends. Feel free to check out Matt's blog at www.jmatthewhenry.com if you would like to see more of what he is up to this summer.

So...here's Matt's going away letter from me......I love you sweetie, and I am so proud of you! I think you are amazing!

When I first met Matt back in college, I was blown away with his passion for the Lord, and the way he lived his faith authentically. It is probably the one thing that most attracted me to him, and quickly drew me to fall in love with him. It is now 16 years later, and I can honestly say that his faith has only grown, and through the years, he has learned to be real about his Christianity in an even stronger way. And still, it is what I love most about him!

Matt comes from an amazing heritage, and his parents modeled dependence on God in a remarkable way. He often recalls the numerous “five dollar in the mailbox” stories, where the family would have nothing in the house to eat, so they would sit down and pray. Dad would go to get the mail, and in the mailbox was an envelope with $5 in it-enough for bread, milk and some peanut butter. Personally, I remember the first summer we were dating. Matt was preparing to have surgery on a tumor, which was later diagnosed at malignant. The night before the surgery, Matt’s dad had the whole family gather together. We sang worship songs and prayed over Matt. These and many other examples, left an indelible mark on Matt’s life, and taught him the importance of trusting God in difficult circumstances.

It was to be a pattern Matt would continue, and it is one he has led our family with throughout the years. When we face difficult circumstances, or need guidance, Matt chooses to turn to God through worship and prayer. I remember living in NJ, and knowing God was calling us into full time ministry. We spent countless hours at night around the keyboard singing, and just about as much time at Joe and Pam’s house praying for God’s direction.

And how could we forget that last Thanksgiving in WI? There we were in our little house with 25 Chinese students who wanted to eat a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner for the first time. Everyone knew that we would be leaving for VA soon, and what did Matt choose to do after dinner? Sing worship songs, and pray. It was such a precious time, and I’ll never forget singing “How Great is Our God” with those guys. It was a moment of complete trust in God’s goodness, despite an uncertain future.

So, Matt, here we are again, at another major intersection in our life. And in the spirit of the examples already laid out before us, I wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to come before God, and worship Him. We also wanted to take some time to have your loved ones pray over you. We are all so excited for what you are about to embark on-Your dreams are finally coming true, and we couldn’t be prouder! The Air Force commissioned you on behalf of the President of the United States, well, we want to Commission you on behalf of the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of our Souls, and our loving Father who graciously walks beside us.

As I was planning and thinking about what to say, I was drawn to Romans 3. I love the whole chapter, but in the interest of time, I’ll jump to verse 38:

³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

No matter our circumstances, our God is always great, and He has been nothing but good to us! He is faithful, even when we have not been, and I know that his love and faithfulness will forever remain. So, we send you with the one thing that will follow you all of your days, will always be faithful, and will never disappoint you—we commission you in God’s love.

Thank you God for your love that never does disappoint us, and is always faithful! Than you for how You have taken care of us so far this summer, and I thank you in advance for how You will continue to bless our family! Thank you for my husband-one of the 3 best gifts you have ever given me, and the closest human example I have seen of your love to me! You are amazing, God!

Because he trusts in You.

Well, my husband has been away for almost a month now, and I am being reminded that I need to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. I made a lot of big talk on my blog and to the girls in my small group about how I was going to let God be my "husband" this summer while Matt was away. Since he's been gone, in addition to the daily issues of taking care of 2 small children and a house, I have gotten into a car accident, the air conditioning in my house broke, we haven't had a paycheck in a month, and now my latest battle has been with a family of mice who have taken up residence with me in my bedroom! Let me tell you....the mice issue is the worst problem of them all!!!!!!!!! YUCK!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I was starting to freak out a bit, not quite sure how to handle everything. I had been praying and asking God for direction and advice, but, I was still worrying and stressing over how to deal. I was in the bathroom getting ready with my youngest daughter, Charis, while all this was taking place. On Matt's side of the sink, he keeps a stack of note cards with Bible verses on them. Charis was playing around with them, and as I went to pick them up, I noticed that the top card was Isaiah 26:3.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."

I have heard this verse 1000 times, but somehow never realized the last part of the verse, "because he trusts in You". In other words, when we trust God completely, our mind will be focused completely on Him, and therefore, we will be completely at peace. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not at peace because I was not trusting God fully. I stopped to contemplate this fact.

Fact #1 I know He will take care of us.
Fact #2 I know He wants what is best for us.
Fact #3 I know He has never, nor will never fail us.

So, right now I'm working on really trusting God. I know that when I can grasp that, the peace will perfectly flood my spirit. It's getting better, for sure, but I'm still a work in progress. What else is new, hugh?

Dear Lord, Thank you for your faithfulness to me and my family. I know you will take care of us, and I know I can trust you. Help me to trust you more, and keep my focus on You alone, so that Your peace, which I so desperately desire, can overwhelm me!

The Holy Spirit as our Sanctifier?

Recently, while preparing for my small group's Bible study time, I ran across two very disturbing passages of Scripture!

2 Thessalonians 2:13

But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.

and 1 Peter 1:2

[God's elect] have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood:

Do you see what I am talking about? Are you as freaked out as I was when I read this? Probably not-mostly because I'm a nerd, and probably only I would find this crazy, interesting and even somewhat disturbing (disturbing only because I had never been taught this idea in Sunday School, and I am 33 years old, and still had never heard this idea!) I was struck by the mention of the Holy Spirit as our sanctifier. I immediately had a detailed discussion with Matt, my husband, about it. In the past, I never saw The Holy Spirit as our sanctifier. I always saw Jesus as the one who makes us holy, and free from sin. As a child and young adult, I always heard about Jesus' sanctifying work on the cross. However, the verses clearly state that the Holy Spirit is the one who does the sanctifying. So...my thought process was how does that all fit together? Plenty of passages also mention Jesus' sanctification. So, who does what? What Matt showed me was that Jesus made the way for sanctification to be possible. He did the work on the cross that provided the gift of freedom from sin. It is the Holy Spirit that actually comes personally into our lives, and wipes our slate clean.

How cool is that? I thought it was very interesting to picture it that way. It was like Jesus hands the baton off to the Holy Spirit to finish the work He started. I couldn't help but think of the church and how we each are called to use our gifts-one is a hand, one is a foot, etc. We each have different gifts that are useful in helping the church out. It seems that the Trinity is similar. Each part of the Godhead has their own function as well..In this case, Jesus died to create the gift of sanctification, in fact He created the ability to be sanctified, and the Holy Spirit enacts it into our lives, and moves in us to make us holy.

It might sound weird, but for some reason I visualize it as a painting. We are the canvas, the Holy Spirit is the artist, and Jesus supplied paints (His sanctification) to the artist. The Holy Spirit then paints our canvas to Jesus' likeness, thereby sanctifying us. I just saw it as a cool new way to look at it. I sware, you can read the Bible a zillion times, and still find something new to intrigue you! And I guarantee--- I will find a way to incorporate that piece of doctrine into my next Sunday School Class!!!!!!!

Holy Spirit,
Thank you for moving through my life each day to sanctify me and make me more like Christ. I pray that each day you will have a little less work to do on me! Amen

My husband

God has really been trying to speak to me today, and I've been doing my best to listen, but sometimes His words are tough. Let me give you a little background...

My husband will be leaving at the end of the month to go a 10 week training tour to be a US Air Force Chaplain Candidate. We are hoping that after graduation from Seminary, Matt will be able to apply to go active duty with Air force and we can serve in that capacity. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a big crier, so you can just imagine that I am a big blubber face about him being gone for almost 3 months! I know, mentally, that we will be fine, and I know that this is a great opportunity for our whole family. And there is a huge part of me that is really excited for Matt! He's finally able to fulfill his dream! What I didn't expect was that recently, there has been an excitement growing in me for what I am going to learn from this summer. Lately, I have been sensing that God is preparing me for something, and He has been teaching me new lessons about Him, daily. Today, I clearly heard Him speak to me through Psalm 68:3-6

"But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds-- his name is the Lord-- and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."

I don't want to over dramatize this by saying I feel as if I am a widow, because I know I am not, and I am very aware of the many women whose husbands are in grave danger serving our country and those who have lost loved ones defending our freedom through the armed forces. Please know that I do not wish to minimize their situations by saying that my husband is in the same boat! What I did feel God was saying to me, was that He wants to fill the void as my husband this summer. It was as if He was asking me, "Do you think I am big enough to be that for you, Amber?"

Several years ago, Matt and I had a miscarriage. It was, of course, devastating. What made it harder for me was that I had no support system in the immediate days following the loss, other than my husband, and he was going through his own turmoil. My best friend left the day I found out, for a 2 week vacation to Hawaii; my family lived several hours away; and I had told no one at my church or work that I was even pregnant. I was left alone to deal with my loss. God revealed Himself to me in a way I had never seen Him before in my life. The comfort I felt from God was overwhelming. I can't even put into words the embrace I felt from God's love and comfort. It was almost palpable. At that time, He showed Himself to me as my friend. I knew Him in an intimate way that I had never seen before, and in a way I will never forget.

So as God was speaking to me today, He was saying, "Remember how I was there for you as a friend, when you had no one? Well, I can be your comfort as a husband in the same way-trust me-I can do it!"

And, I know I can trust Him, because He has proven Himself faithful to me before. He has filled that gap in my life, that only He could fill, and I know He will again. So, even though it will be tough without Matt around me this summer, I said yes to God! And it fills me with joy and praise to Him for what I know He will do in my life. I am honestly excited to see how He is going to work in me this summer, and see what new lessons I will learn about my amazing God!

Please God-be like a husband to me this summer. Be big in my life and teach me things about You that I have never seen before. Reveal yourself to me in a new way, and help me to grow in you.