My husband

God has really been trying to speak to me today, and I've been doing my best to listen, but sometimes His words are tough. Let me give you a little background...

My husband will be leaving at the end of the month to go a 10 week training tour to be a US Air Force Chaplain Candidate. We are hoping that after graduation from Seminary, Matt will be able to apply to go active duty with Air force and we can serve in that capacity. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a big crier, so you can just imagine that I am a big blubber face about him being gone for almost 3 months! I know, mentally, that we will be fine, and I know that this is a great opportunity for our whole family. And there is a huge part of me that is really excited for Matt! He's finally able to fulfill his dream! What I didn't expect was that recently, there has been an excitement growing in me for what I am going to learn from this summer. Lately, I have been sensing that God is preparing me for something, and He has been teaching me new lessons about Him, daily. Today, I clearly heard Him speak to me through Psalm 68:3-6

"But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds-- his name is the Lord-- and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."

I don't want to over dramatize this by saying I feel as if I am a widow, because I know I am not, and I am very aware of the many women whose husbands are in grave danger serving our country and those who have lost loved ones defending our freedom through the armed forces. Please know that I do not wish to minimize their situations by saying that my husband is in the same boat! What I did feel God was saying to me, was that He wants to fill the void as my husband this summer. It was as if He was asking me, "Do you think I am big enough to be that for you, Amber?"

Several years ago, Matt and I had a miscarriage. It was, of course, devastating. What made it harder for me was that I had no support system in the immediate days following the loss, other than my husband, and he was going through his own turmoil. My best friend left the day I found out, for a 2 week vacation to Hawaii; my family lived several hours away; and I had told no one at my church or work that I was even pregnant. I was left alone to deal with my loss. God revealed Himself to me in a way I had never seen Him before in my life. The comfort I felt from God was overwhelming. I can't even put into words the embrace I felt from God's love and comfort. It was almost palpable. At that time, He showed Himself to me as my friend. I knew Him in an intimate way that I had never seen before, and in a way I will never forget.

So as God was speaking to me today, He was saying, "Remember how I was there for you as a friend, when you had no one? Well, I can be your comfort as a husband in the same way-trust me-I can do it!"

And, I know I can trust Him, because He has proven Himself faithful to me before. He has filled that gap in my life, that only He could fill, and I know He will again. So, even though it will be tough without Matt around me this summer, I said yes to God! And it fills me with joy and praise to Him for what I know He will do in my life. I am honestly excited to see how He is going to work in me this summer, and see what new lessons I will learn about my amazing God!

Please God-be like a husband to me this summer. Be big in my life and teach me things about You that I have never seen before. Reveal yourself to me in a new way, and help me to grow in you.